There is a theory in quantum mechanics... its that when a conscious observer, observes sub atomic particles the laws of Newtonian physics no longer apply, they break down and cease to exist. Quantum particles appear to change their behaviour when they're being observed, which poses the immense question, do they have consciousness?
Its funny the things that draw you to write. Grief. Grief for the loss of something truly incredible. And I hear you ask, 'Okay Drea, but what the hell do sub atomic particles have to do with grief?!'.
The simple answer is, consciousness. I remember reading a quote from Neil deGrasse Tyson once, the interviewer asked him what we knew for certain about consciousness. His answer was quite simply... nothing. 'Look at all the books about Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Mechanics etc... there are countless definitive books on every subject. Now show me one definitive book on consciousness, you can't, therefore, we know nothing'.
If there is defining characteristic of consciousness it is that any being changes their behaviour when being observed. Who we are, who we portray ourselves to be, for the most part is entirely dependant on the present observer. Take CERN for example... all those particles and photons being shot at infinite speeds around the Large Hadron Collider... changing their behaviour when observed by a conscious entity (us) and I wonder, do they have the capacity within their consciousness to experience loss and as a result, grief? By another theory it states that not only can they change their behaviour, but they can also choose to blink in and out of existence. It's their superpower.
Me telling you this doesn't really have anything to do with loss, its just that part of being an existentialist where you try and capture the sadness you feel, to compress it in a way that doesn't make you want to self implode. I've never really experienced loss on any grand scale. I'm incredibly lucky in that respect. I have always chosen to live in the present, to love in the present, to never think too far ahead, lest it distract me from the magical moments I might otherwise miss daily. I have always found joy and comfort in the little things. The things one might take for granted. If something bad happens, I think well at least a, b, and c is still whatever'. There is always a silver lining, always. There just has to be. I refused to live in a world where silver linings weren't a thing of beauty and I always ensured I helped others to find their Silver Linings too. I was good at it. It was my superpower.
People come and go, some make a brief appearances others settle into your life like a weird piece of furniture that was always there. I read once that the person you think of as you, exists only for you. Every person you meet, have a relationship with, friendship with, interact with or meet on the street creates a version of you in their heads. There are infinite you's out there. A you exists in everyone you've ever mets mind and yet your you, who you believe yourself to be, it may not be someone to anyone at all.
Sometimes you meet someone you think will always stay, that they will always be there. But life doesn't work that way. I was always more myself with you than with any other. I once shared the belief that some infinities are bigger than others, but what I failed to realise, is that even infinities have an end. Ours cannot be quantified or codified, it will blink in and out of existence as we observe it change under our observation. So maybe, in the end, in that respect our consciousness and the consciousness of atoms and sub atomic particles aren't so different.
We are all infinitely floating, trying to remain present to an observer of our choosing, before finally, blinking out of existence...
