A year is a funny thing, don't you think?
It can feel like its lasted an entire decade or sometimes it passes in no time at all.
Our first year in each others lives has been quite the journey....
How does a once stranger you never knew existed, find their way to you on a seemingly inconsequential Tuesday and become the one thing you just can't live without?
I had just dragged myself out of the worst 2 years of my entire life, absolutely resigned and content with the new life I had built from the rubble of the old one.
And it was a good life, don't get me wrong.
But it was also a spectators life. A cautious life. A life without risk.
One lived entirely on the sideline, afraid to take any step which may upset the delicate equilibrium I had worked so hard to achieve.
I was afraid to live in a world where I might get hurt again, so to remedy this, I created a few simple rules.
Acquaintances only, you can't get hurt if you're not emotionally invested. No opening up or trusting people, you can't be disappointed by someone you haven't been vulnerable with. Be kind always because you can't let what you've been through alter the core of who you are. Above all? Stay away from love. You cannot lose what you do not have. Abiding by these rules kept me safe and there was no scenario I was not prepared for.
It was a good list... a safe list and it got me through.
Until You. As ironic as I know you will find this? You were the one thing I never saw coming.
I had no idea just how much I was living my life on auto pilot until you showed up with your kindness, your warmth, your ability to make me laugh, your unwavering strength, your charm (yes I said it... now you have it in writing) and your complete lack of awareness as to just how incredible you are in every single way, even and especially on your bad days.
You quickly became my favourite part of every day. And from that day to this? There has never been a day in between where that hasn't remained the absolute truth. Without effort or agenda you became my person. It felt like you had always been here and I soon realised that there would never come a time where I could imagine not needing or wanting you in my life.
For the first time in years, I was terrified. Because I had something to lose... you.
I had no idea just how much I wanted someone to be that person until you were. That's when I realised, it was never about the 'what'... it was always the 'who'. We met at just the right time to be exactly what the other needed. Don't worry, I won't bring the universe or statistics into it. Even though I know just how much you love when I do that. But I truly believe we saw right to the core of one another, into the centre of our beings that very first night. Somehow laying the foundation for the safe harbour we would ultimately be for one another.
We had no way of knowing what we would become or where the journey would lead us of course, but there is not a day that goes by where I am not eternally grateful for that invisible red string that has always connected us and that finally untangled and shortened itself just enough to bring us together.
Thank you for allowing me those little things that all add up to making our shared universe such a magical place to inhabit. Thank you for annoying me endlessly, for trusting me, for having faith, not just in me... but in general. For allowing me to be present on the bad days just as much as the good and for letting me hold space to be there with you during. For being the most lovable person I have ever met. Thank you for being exactly who you are Craig. I wouldn't change any of it. Thank you for allowing me to fuss over you even though you're um... not sure how you feel about it but allow me anyway. For matching my crazy (genuinely never thought that was possible) Oh, and of course for allowing me to steal your best friend too! Thank you for being here, for making me laugh, for making me cry. Thank you for bringing me not just back to life, but to a life with you in it, all while showing me that true unconditional love does actually exist. Thank you for making my heart happy.
But most of all? Thank you for being that person I am terrified to lose because you have taught me that some people not only restore your faith and help to heal the parts they didn't break, they're also entirely worth the risk of being hurt one thousand times over.
Merry Christmas Craig,
Love Always... IFG.
Drea x
